So like three things I totally suck at collided trying to answer the phones at work so I've more or less stopped doing it. My "boss" doesn't want to answer the phones, either, but he's doing it now. It got so bad I was snapping and yelling at the clients pretty much every time I picked up the phone.

The extraordinary challenge for me lies in trying to keep multiple personas juggled while avoiding having the appointment line turn into a free phone sex call by pretending that I'm the receptionist or some shit but then they start asking all these personal questions and I just can't pull enough stock answers out of my ass. I simply can't take appointments for myself while pretending to not be myself nor know anything or not enough or too frigging much about myself - all while listening to some asshole tell me how he likes it up the butt and how hard do I hit, anyways? I don't know if this makes any sense, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like it is the lying that makes my normal phone difficulties go through the roof. I totally can't lie, and the minute I have to, my brain completely shuts off and all my stressors go off. And I'm somehow supposed to keep listening to these dickwads and humor them even though I know the worst ones aren't even going to show up.

It's funny. I don't mean to be difficult, or a pain in the ass. But it seems that there is a growing list of things I Just Don't Do. Running Errands/Driving was the first one I flat out refused to do. Technically I think I'm supposed to take out the trash once a week, too - but I just refuse to do that on general principle. Call my sexist, but in my heart of hearts I firmly believe that that one is a boy's job and you're never going to be able to convince me otherwise. And now I don't answer the phone.

I never have, really. Even all those years I worked in offices, I'd tell them right in my interview I didn't do phones. And I didn't take jobs which made me answer them. If the damn thing rings, I let it go to voicemail and call them back after I've heard their message and am fully prepared to help them. This thinking on the spot shit simply doesn't work for me. Never has. Lately I've been putting it like this - I'm smart, but I'm not fast. I need more time to process than immediate interaction allows for.