When I was eight years old,
i still had not learned to read.
They put a dunce cap on me and, shooed me on down the line.

My mother wouldn't have it so she spent the summer of eight teaching me to read using flashcards.
I have extreme dyslexia. Small letters want to jumble more because they are too small a bit for my trip space brodmmans areas.

And so, i learned to read by whole word sight recognition over one summer- actually about the first 3 weeks of it.
And THEN.....

Ask yourself what you would read, if you knew that now, all it would take you to read a textbook was a single day?
Which subjects would you devote yourself to? And what would you do with yourself for those long hours at the library?

I had problems to solve bigger than most kids and the driving force of them pushing my personal evolution learning bellcurves to their limits.
I had getting beaten up every day at school to deal with because I didn't understand pack psychology, didn't have an ago to speak of,
and as an ASPIE; wondering to myself what the humanz are all up to and what to make of how dysfunctional their big pack psychology driven mass
narcissism civilization experiment was doing.

So i didn't bother much with trivia, or fiction, or distractions of any kind. I had big problems to solve fast about what was up with humanz
and why they were so nuts so that I could get around the problem of the difference between my head state and their collective demons.

My mother tied up the karma for my incarnation package by being herself then going to school to get a degree in psychology.
Aspies studying psychology. Think about it. Some might call it ironic or even humorous.


Because i didn't figure out humanz well enough to prevent my being beaten every day of my life by those good mormon boys, at school, at church, in scouts...
Four more years of my life passed with me in a bubble of heavy reading, nose grind to the wheel, reading textbooks, reading psychology, trying to get far
enough ahead to talk down to the teachers and then after that to fix the problems. A textbook a day or two every day for 4 years.What kind of geek was I?

But this was when I was eight, and that was Summer. And then came school. And with it new books, all of which I read in the first week. Imagine my boredom.
Imagine how much they didn't want to think about or confess to themselves that I knew more about the topic than they did by the start of fall.
And picture me triumphantly haven outfoxed and out manuevered the many little demonites and their games of torture the nerd and sitting in a park at 4 pm
out behind the school, and thinking, "gee, hmm. Fear. no fear. move. go home. stay here. Hide. its all over. you never know where they may be lurking."

Or the fear it took to overcome to move me into the big field behind the school, or, how triumphant i felt out there standing alone on the playground.
And then walking away past there back to the field I was suddenly inspired to pray. Not that I believed in the human cultural god whose overwhelming
proof that he didn't exist was the manifest pacj psychology driven anti ethical mob which masqueraded via him as a symbol as an ethical or moral society.

And feeling the depth of that and all the shame and pain and greif of being different and thus a target for ego motivated violence, I mulled that over
in my mind as a sort of rolling question directed vaguely at God. Something started to roll back with me then and i drifted as if in a trance to marching
in a circle and humming :"onward christian soldiers".

The moment the Ally arrived is very clear in my mind. I had the distinct impression of noise, or happening, behind me, as if afraid that somebody had snuck up
behind me. I turned to face this energy, but it had already hit me, and at that moment i was sure I had been hit by lightning, as i felt a sharp blow of
pain all through my body accompanied by a very hot light and both a visual and auditory experience of snap crackle and popping.

Yet, somehow in the midst of that i had drifted into a hallucination, and as I turned to face this thing I had now detached from my body and was above
myself watching a woman running desperately through a very foreign and forrest like environment, with momentary peeks of a far off bright red
skinned something chasing her, she leaped up and created around her a portal, and i was transported with her as sheappeared thenin the field behind me,

but I could see myself not see-ing her, but she was running towards me, and then she was right behind me, and then I started to turn to face her,
and then she was shrinking and jumping into a ball of light that zoomed over my head and then froze solid in place above my head before pouring and trickling
down into me as liquid light.

That scene then ended, and the electrical sensation stopped, and it seemed for a moment I had stopped hallucinating but had turned to look into a bright
sunset.But then the scene of the school before me began to dissolve, and a tugging force formed pulling me upward. A sort of triwrling "dust devil" of air
buzzed around me, and then the ground beneath me dissolved, and i found myself suspended in a vortex which seemed to spinning somehow simultaneously in
opposite directions with differently charged particles some of which were falling up and some of which were falling down.

For a few moments then it seemed like i was flying upward, but that is also a paradox in that i could FEEL myself expanding, outward in all directions
with incredible velocity, until the earth itself formed an orb below me, which in this strange vortex space appeared as a purple globe of many shades
of purple. (everything was now lit in exotic shades of purple filiment backlights, or streaming vortex threads which curled like serpents i the vortex in
strange patterns.)

At first everything was for a while purely energetic, and not describable in mythic or symbolic terms, just a sense of expansion into a purplish lit
vortex that was more felt than seen, and more black by far than lit.
A sort of ultradark and yet slightly dimly lit swirrling liquid...

At some point this changed in that I sensed the walls of a tunnel and moving through that tunnel, as well as acceleration upward and thus noticably moving
through th vortex rather than merely floating in it.

It was soon after that when everything changed and I began once again to actually hallucinate. Several beings were around me. I had perhaps felt or intuited
this when flying throught the purple vortex, but i seemed to awaken into a reality where I could now see them. One was a whispy shadow of darkness, blacker
than any black, and the other a equally whispy and seemingly much dimmer Angelic like being. However I could tell that this angel was not even slightly human.
My hallucination of it imprinted some qualities of its other worldyness, and this looked more like a human composed of a constantly swirling liquid,
with both highly transparent outer surface liquids and highly lit up fire-ish liquids on the inside.
In fact it looked like several liquid vortexes, one inside the other inside the next, but all of them equally tall, just not as equally thick or wide.

I seemed to actually be somewhat contained inside a "wing" or furl of this beings vortex, which formed a liquid distortion through which i could watch the outer vortex
pass us by. The darker creature lurked always trying to take position behind me, and was smaller but much more intense of an energy.
It wasn't a swirling vortex at all but rather a dampened absence of all of that, a sort of empty stillness which was opaquely black,
but like smoke, in that it was transparent around its outer edges.

We seemed to fly up then into a new lit place, which seemed to me to be much like an airport, with lots of people going one way or some other, and great big
blobs of murky purple liquid acting as vehicles. We seemed to be flying upward then through the empty center of long circular stairwell, with each new level
looking out into a batch of airport terminals, and bustling folks going this way and that.

Then we got above that place, and for a moment it seemed I could look down on the building, but then we were again wrapped inside a murky purple vortex.
This one was much larger than the previous ones and less strung together by filiments. Instead, this was murky purple liquid bubble vortex, with bubbles
flowing in enormous spiral arms around a center network of liquid water, apparently flowing somehow in three dimensions rather than on a flat plane,
and stemming from a denser and far away so seemingly small liquid water center. (This water looked like simple real river water and flowed in random directions
but without any earth to guide it.)

I remember trying and failing to have a conversation then with the entities that were flying with me, but not clearly what was said other than the sense that
it was put off and revealed to me that one of them was an Angel and the Other the "Grim Reaper." they had to work hard together to carry me and thus could not
afford to try to communicate, thanks, now please be quiet and patient.


We zoomed up past the liquid ball which got bigger and bigger and yet still seemed very small comapred to the enormous purple bubble vortex around it.
As we got higher I began to have secondary episodic hallucinations, which i realized were me feeling the passing contents of the vortex around me. I came
to understand through these episodes that the bubbles were assorted dreams with one or more dreamers creating them, and then that the height we were at
was slowly changing the quality of those dreams as we went from more or less what one might think of as mini hells through mini gardens through mini heavens.
At the top the sample rate slowly went down as we encountered dreams of epiphanic visions or religious rapture, or exotic high energy positive emotions.
We then rapidly approached what i could see as thick membrane above us, and peirced that membrane slowly, decelerating against it, but pushing through, and into
a much darker void above us which we continued to climb through more slowly. Here i spotted a few times enormous eel like creatures which seemed to confront
the Angel and then move off. They seemed to be miles long and perhaps a few hundred meters in diameter, positively enormous.

We passed through a few more membranes and then came out into a new hyperspace which was an ocean of light. We continued for some time in that ocean until
we reached a fiery white and red center. The Angel then moved off, and I found myself floating in nearly unbearable light. A tendril of it lifted from
the surface of the orb of fire directly above me, and i suddenly had the strangest sensation that the only thing holding me down was the reaper being,
who now literally occupied the space directly under my feet, which made it easier to look at to rest ones eyes to look down into the darkness than to look
out into the light.
As the tendril rose i could feel enormous pressure or pull towards the light above me, and gravity seemed to shift direction such that i was actually above the red
and white sphere of light, with the black being holding me by my feet, dangling me upside down.

The tendril coming towards us gave me an idea then of the size of this thing as it started far away and seemed to be only a filament, but then as it
worked closer it became a vortex of red and white light which stopped a few hundred yards away, hundreds or thousands of miles long and perhaps a mile tall.
That tendril coalesced then and then shrank, with its long connection back to the star source becoming too skinny to see. And then upon its stretched surface
a sort of bubbling happened, and then a bearded man with a staff, clothed in white linens of liquid light stepped out from the tendril, but not completely away
from it. Like standing in a doorway.

We talked then and I would be lying to attempt to quote what was said. It seemed that i would fall asleep and wake back up. Conversations were both verbal and imagerial,
and most questions would cause a new scenic hallucination. I learned that this being was God, that the face that it had created to speak to me was done by
inhabiting my projected expectations, and that it was not my projected expectations, just that it used those expectations as a sort of starting point.
I learned the awesome power of the intelligence, as it answered questions with what amounts to whole movies, and it sometimes put me in the position to
watch scenes or clips out of other peoples lives to demonstrate points. I learned that it was infinite cosmic consciousness, and that if we touched, I would in one
sense burst into flame, and in another sense, simply join back to the ocean from which i came. It took my attention back to that little point inside of myself
and showed me that tiny little droplet of white and red flame which had originated from it as a source. I learned that it had not one single earth to
watch over, but thousands of planets per galaxy in trillions of galaxies per universe with infinite numbers of universes.
I learned that this true god could only awaken fully to percieve me if I had done my half to awaken to percieve it. I learned that this true god had no
name and no beginning, And that all names that could be created were but symbolic anthropomorphications of it. I learned that this one true god did not have
a favorite race or favorite gender or favorite class or caste. I learned that this one true god had no concept of sin and none of punishment, that it only wanted
for us to evolve or come back to it and was concerned and saddened when sometimes light was extinguished, but that it had no real power over our lives or
our choices until and unless we connected back to it.

I learned of a god an infinity times larger than any religious god who is nonetheless just as bound by the laws of nature and cause and effect as we are,
and who is certainly bajillions of times more powerful than we are taken as a whole, but yet who can't really do even as much as we can on the scale at which we
exist. I learned of a one true god and that consciousness and its limitations relative to what it can and can't do for me, and I learned that it had so much it did want
to share and give to me and so much that it wanted to give humanity. I learned that via its own limitations, it was actually desperate just to have a conversation
directly with us, and that it was as excited and as honored to talk to me as I was excited and honored to talk to it.

I learned from it how it had created the universe, via a simple song, a scalar fractal hologram, which created space and time and matter and energy and put all of the
forces of nature into play. I learned how It had then set up the grand experiment to experience individuality and perhaps evolution by exiting infinite cosmic consciousness
hyperspace and entering an inflated singuarity.
I learned that being a soul in an animal body is Gods idea of a break away from the boredom of eternity and infinity, that being alive is how God figured out
how to have fun. I learned that the cosmic joke of it all was that god created the universe to go play inside of. But then some of the godlingss got lost and took it a bit
too seriously.

I learned that god does not agree with violence, or social darwinism, or racism, or sexism, or pack psychology. I learned that God is in some senses
what connects us all to each other, and that thus in some senses the nearest divinity to us aside from ourselves is the other humans. I learned enormous
respect and admiration and love for the human soul, and I learned equal pity and sadness for the choices of some of those souls to do themselves and others
harm, based out of fear and greed and attachment and more or less masturbating their banal nature.

I learned that god loves us all but that the afterlife is simply about the energies of consciousness made real; not permissions nor punishments nor rewards;
just causes and effects and polarities. And Choices.

And then God asked me for a favor. The favor was to try to fix the problem of the human planet, which had lost sight of god. To help that civilization grow
and evolve, to make it past its foibles and primitivity.
I was given information relevant to accomplishing such a mission, and then I agreed, and then I was given even more information. And then, I returned back
down the way I had come. But this time, rather than shoot straight up the whole way, we zig zagged back down through the realities, and there were a lot
more of them.

I suppose I will save that story for the follow up sequel.