Maybe it is because a more aspie child might refuse to undergo orthodontic treatment. My thumbsucking was blamed for that. I did not and am very pleased about itnow, though at the time the idea of having other teeth pulled out to make room for the ones that stuck out did not appeal, to say the least.

I remember holding on to the habit of opening bottles with my teeth for a really long time... I haven't done it in years now (same age), but I do remember it being a long time of people continually telling me "yer gonna fuck up yer teeth" before I finally forced myself to change the habit - not because I was at all afraid of damaging my teeth, but because I was tired of being annoyed by people telling me I would

Yeah I act out on stress. When shit is different than I planned or when a lot is going down that it takes me towards a meltdown I get very verbal.... Even with my mother- sometimes she asks too much of me and criticizes me too much and my way of acting out is by being very vervally aggressive. Very verbal- It's a semiconscious thing too cuz when it's the worst I say some very meanspirited things to people who I believe are in the wrong but it's just short of anything that would come back to haunt me - stuff more like "you smell bad! you shouldve never been born! youre wasting mine and everyone fucking elses oxygen!" and then i rescue myself just before id say something that would be a figure of speech that could be used against me in a literal form as part of a vendetta.... I'm sure everyone knows what I am talking about....

My exgirlfriend- shit didnt end amicably with her at all- granted i dealt with it poorly- i lost my temper and said a lot of very sad and verbally abusive shit- it solved nothing and nothing could come out of it and i shouldve just shut up and done something else to get over the hump-

i remember when she was on a coke binge for a month and was with an employee she was the boss of who was fucking 7 years younger than her and at this fucking club i had to be pushed away cuz I chose not to do that fucking shit and i wasn't fucking "in" enough- And I started getting anxious and upset noticably and I was asked "What's wrong- what's wrong Mike" "I know somethings wrong" and I was like "Nothings ever wrong! NOTHINGS EVER WRONG!NOTHINGSEVERWRONG!" and I THREW the water bottle across the empty floor curled up in a fetal position. I just hated being led along- I hated being fucking put into an anxious goddamn state and the confusion was literally driving me over the edge and also the having to pick up the slack for someone ELSES severe emotional problems [I can't do that anymore- I've used up all my energy with that shit]. She never divorced the biggest loser in the world.... her inlaws all tweekedout- motherinlaw, husband, sisterinlaw- even with the identify theft couldnt get past the separation and divorce him- He still cant work- I still believe that I am an unlovable person- Lovable in good ways practical ways my parents say "oooohhh your brother your father etc loves you" but we all know thats a childish answer that is totally off topic.... but i think "a woman loving me? pfft!...."

And there was shit with that with cutting too- When I couldnt just punch a wall and had a situation that was a crisis where I could see no way out and felt like I had no options- Like even the most melodramatic options would be doomed to fail- It's easier for me to redirect my attention now though- I feel the best cure for anything is to work-- work on something.... a job, pet projects, college homework, chores.... There you go.... Total cureall....

Anyway that gets me around to pushing myself so far- I do that with my aspergers because I had so much shit with people confusing my awkwardness for weakness so if I'm not the man to anyone who would be looking for a mark the shit has hit the fan. I just have always had as my biggest vice the ability to take myself way to seriously- And in the last few years in my adult life more than ever because I feel like I have to compete over who will get the role of "victim" if I show myself to just be slightly awkward. It's really irritating actually....

How do I make up for it all? My pride.... and lots and lots of thinking to myself "You know what- It doesnt fucking matter what the fuck anyone else thinks! Who the fuck are they anyway?!"....

And that's why it's all worth it- And as long as that's the case I'm going to keep pushing myself just as much as now and previously for the better- And I'm gonna be as outspoken I can be in the appropriate contexts in the ways suitable for those contexts so that I can get MY needs....

My advice to any NTs- Don't tell anyone they can't do something- Because then in the social darwinism of capitalism you will have some hardcore competition as a consequence of giving them that line.....

And that's where it all fits in- Focus, and memory, and the ability to use certain special skills as an advantage and as an opportunity and in the future a way to tap an audience and to know what people want.

It's also a good social thing the aspergers in one way: I never get interested in anything halfway- If it's not aesthetically pleasing and I'm like "Maybe it's just me but I feel bored with this" I put it down.... But otherwise I take it AAAAALLLL in- For example, I love film.... So I read FX magazines- Cinefex, etc. I like music- I learn about how its recorded.... and on and on.... My recent fuckbuddy I acquired has written email after email with her poetry - another guy might not even read them and be like "yeah whatever" but the emails she sent [three to one all the time- ack it burns me out- and she emails right after I email] were ones I really got into reading and being like "okay im gonna be an active listener"....

even with conversation- im not that great and a lot of times a really awkward mimicker- and while sometimes i talk a lot in parts of a dialogue essentially i listen- now and then ill be a big talker [however you wanna interpret that- that i have learned a lot or- as i say the fact that i look at myself with a lot of humbleness and being full of shit- not in a bad way though- just that i mean everything really runs its course and i can predict shit as well as anybody else] but mostly im silent and giving nonverbal cues that im receptive whether theyre more subtle or not- i ignore peers in their conversations between others and be courteous and look or walk the other way and when theres communication and eye contact i hear them more than talk- if im talking im talking about shit that i already know and its therefore fucking boring- if im listenning i can officially be nonartificially interested in the person.... So these can be some positive traits of aspergers....

Also that I'm not the kind that is more emotionally distant and able to cope but I am more sensitive and on that side of the spectrum- It's not like I'm a baby about shit that doesnt go my way- I've met people like that- They suck- It's just that I soak up a vibe like a sponge and emotions and ideas- and with that it's easier for me to be sympathetic of causes or people or empathize- The problem.... Internalizing everything- That's where the aspergers diagnosis comes in.... Some shit is so remote that I'm getting in that bad habit again of worrying too much and its stupid of me to be concerned.

Oh and I can think critically too which is cool -- and I can remember everything I did while I was drunk [Kind of fun but sometimes there's stuff I'd rather pretend I never did hahahaha]

Peace,
-Mike

Hmm... I was reading what TeamNoir was saying about coping mechanisms changing the test results and thinking that was likely true in my case. In my case I spent a lot of time intently focused on changing the fact that I was introverted growing up. I honestly can't remember (or maybe don't know) why it was that I decided introversion was a bad thing for me, but I did, and so in spite of having been terrified of people as a small child I worked really hard to make myself an extrovert. Of course part of the problem with that is that because I was (still am?) a "social idiot" in a number of cases it's meant not so much having more friends as it has inadvertently pissing off more people. Part of my hope in joining the aspie tribes is that I might be able to learn how to cope better with the social awkwardness and possibly eventually find myself in a computer programming environment that's actually good for me (as opposed to the "trail of dead bodies" kind of career I've had over the past decade). It's not the only thing I want out of life -- I also want art and writing to be part of how I earn my living -- but I honestly believe that I've made a unique contribution to the world of software that would be a shame to be wasted (and there are aspects of it that I actually enjoy -- just none of the political aspects, which in my opinion are more prevalent than the innovative aspects).

<<< Strong odor is another example. Many aspies cannot tolerate them at all, regardless of origin. Myself, I can handle - even enjoy - anything organic. Even bile doesn't "smell bad" to me; it is pungent, certainly, and I wouldn't want to wear it, but I'd rather smell bile than too much perfume. A clean human scent is also preferable to deodorant; the problem being, at least where I live, if one isn't in the habit of using deodorant, using soap is something else that is not habitual. >>>

Yet another example of a wide variety of experiences I never would have expected to be related to autism, like overt sensitivity to light, etc... I've never been bothered in particular by organic smells even if pungent, yet any kind of chemical smell whether it was bleach or ammonia or floral perfumes were always really difficult to tolerate. In addition to the scents, deodorant was an issue for me largely because at least when I was younger it was difficult to find non-antiperspirant deodorant and I was never comfortable either logically or physically with waterproofing my armpits. Though it was also difficult for me to find a deodorant with a scent I could tolerate. Plus another oral habit -- as a child I remember noticing that everyone around me seemed *obsessed* with their food being crunchy... which never made any sense to me at all... crunchy foods stuck in my teeth, which was uncomfortable, so to me it seemed like everyone wanted their food to be as uncomfortable to eat as humanly possible. Crunchy and spicy -- I never understood spicy food either. I've developed an ability to handle some of it and actually enjoy mild salsa now, but as a kid I could only equate it to masochism and it seemed totally senseless.

*nod* I spent time in Cleveland, OH. In Cleveland, people give each other space as a sign of respect. You don't make eye contact or speak to people you don't know. Rather, you pretend they don't exist. Making eye contact or speaking to them is generally considered intrusive, bordering on rude.

Local customs in the US vary a lot. Cities tend to be more insular than the social behavior in most rural areas. And generally speaking, the south is somewhat more gregarious in this way than the north.

Hmmm. I am from England and it was in England that I got the most flak for avoiding eye contact. On the other hand when I was an undergraduate, everyone fancied themselves as an amateur armchair psychologis, it seems, there was always someone going on about 'defence mechanisms' - the campus Iived on had more than its fair share of creeps.

I don't mind being the lone detached freak ... I love my solitude (and need it) but I hate feeling isolated. So much relies on perspective and choice.

I "stumbled into Asperger's" too, researching a preliminary dx for a nephew. (When his mother got the news, her first thought was of me - "She likes research, she can find out about this better than anyone!" Maybe a cosmic joke on the both of us.) I'd developed some suspicions about autism in general a few years before after reading "Nobody Nowhere" by Donna Williams - experienced, written & published before AS made it into the DSM IV - that it couldn't be the all-or-nothing condition exemplified by those with Kanner's Syndrome. But as I was learning about it I had a terrible time because it seemed these people were *talking* about me, and I went through something very much like a grief process: anger, denial, depression, the works.

People with sense - those who aren't afraid to actually think instead of just reacting to events and calling it "thinking" - seem to hate labels, but they are a handy shorthand ... I refuse to consider myself disabled, even on those days I almost feel I might as well be, like when I walk out of a store without something I need because I can't ask somebody where to find it.

Be open to considering a "claim" ... firstly, a more formal exploration of possibility doesn't change anything, regardless of result. You'll still be who you are, but you might gain firmer knowledge of your own traits. Also, you might receive information (tricks) to help develop coping mechanisms for traits you find interfere with the kind of life you want to live; and, should you be "gifted" with the dubious distinction of PDD/AS, there are options (such as for school, including grants) that become available.

Second, it's never too late - not at this juncture or any other - to gain a better understanding of yourself. Personally, I have hope that more adult aspies will be willing to "come aut of the closet" to help the medical/psychiatric establishment understand how much they have been and are still missing when it comes to this neural-type. It used to be that if a kid made it to four without "going blank" they didn't have autism. Now it's thirteenish ... if they haven't shown signs by junior high they aren't aspies either. Well, apparently both assumptions are wrong - it's just that some of us (through nature or nurture, genes or environment) stay off the radar, even our own radars, much longer than the "experts" think possible. (How many "eccentrics" and "quirky" older people are running around, their oddities forgiven because they aren't causing (much) trouble?)

<soapbox>Different is not disabled, and I don't need to be cured.</soapbox>

It's in the perspective ... as I have told people, "I don't have a PDD, *you* have an excess of social dependency." :)

( ... apparently the coffee kicked in right around the second paragraph ... )

Tribe.net has a cute way of letting me know I "talk" too much ... timing me out as I compose a reply. *grumble*

I remember "The Last Unicorn." I recall it as sad, tho I have a tendency to over-identify and apparently misremember some things like that by substituting my own experiences for what occurred in the film (or book, as happened more recently ... had a temper tantrum when I reread a book and the ending had "changed" ... speaking of, there's to be a post on reading too).

As for thanks, I will only take the blame around here, any and all credit goes to the group. Anything wrong is my fault; any good found here is the work and gift of the membership.

You guys RAWK!!

Just like you can't say "pansexual" or "sapiosexual" or "androgyne" without explaining them either. I think I tend to use "autistic" mostly out of convenience in sort of the same way that I typically identify myself as "bisexual" rather than "pansexual" or more to the point "sapiosexual".

WWBD? : What Would Bacchus Do?

:)

Am I so transparent? ;)

lolz